military humor

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Comment by Ray Johnson on November 6, 2009 at 1:32pm

Comment by Ray Johnson on November 6, 2009 at 1:31pm

Comment by Ray Johnson on November 4, 2009 at 12:59pm

Comment by Ray Johnson on October 30, 2009 at 6:56am

The big bad wolf said "I will huff and puff and blow your house down "
The 3 little pigs said " Fuck off or we will sneeze on you "

Comment by Ray Johnson on October 30, 2009 at 5:34am

Have a long weekend coming up at the Gun Show ..gonna do it with my son , so I think I will go to the local senior bar for a glass of prune juice and watch some Texas titty dancers and relax !

Comment by Ray Johnson on October 29, 2009 at 3:48am

HOPPY HALLAWEAM !

Comment by Ray Johnson on October 28, 2009 at 7:49am

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Let’s get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you.... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Comment by Ray Johnson on October 28, 2009 at 7:03am

Comment by Ray Johnson on October 28, 2009 at 7:03am

A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a beautiful blonde woman sitting by herself :
Man: "May I buy you a drink ?"
Blonde: "No thank you , alcohol is bad for my knees ."
Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
Blonde: "No, they spread ."

Comment by Ray Johnson on October 28, 2009 at 4:05am

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . .. having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . .. . .having money.
At age 50 success is . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . .. . having friends.
At age 80 success is . .. . not piddling in your pants.

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